In May 2021, just after Mother's Day, my life changed in a way I could never have imagined. Covid19, a word that once meant nothing to us, suddenly became the force that impacted our family. My mother and brother both contracted Covid-19 at the same time and were admitted to ICU, fighting for their lives. For more than twenty days, we waited, prayed, and hoped for a miracle.
Penny Shivas is an artist of memory, heart, and hope. Her drawings were born out of grief, prayer, and a quiet longing to hold close those she has loved and lost. Through tender hand-drawn portraits of her parents, grandparents, and family members who have passed, and through intimate scenes from her childhood hometown of Karak, Penny weaves love, loss, and remembrance into visual stories of grace. What began as a personal lament has become a sacred act of creation — a way of listening, healing, and bearing witness. Her art reflects a journey through fire and into light, where ashes are transformed into beauty, and sorrow becomes testimony. Guided by faith, Penny draws not only with her hands, but with a surrendered heart, trusting the Master Artist who holds her like a pencil in His hand.pain intentionLosing them so close together felt unreal — as if time had cracked open and dropped me into a nightmare I couldn't wake from. At the same moment, we were marking the one-year anniversary of my father's passing. My mother had still been grieving for her husband, her strong tower. Now, she and my brother were taken too. As I lived in New Zealand, I watched my brother pass away from a screen. As it was during Covid19 we could not have a funeral and be there with him.
My sisters and I clung to each other over phone calls, crying until there were no tears left. There are no words for that kind of heartbreak — only the sound of grief shared between people who have lost more than they can hold. Tragedy draws people closer.
Father's engagement photo - Pencil sketch
Mother's engagement photo - Pencil sketch
This wasn't the first time our family endured deep loss. In 2017, my second sister died unexpectedly from lung cancer at just 60. My parents had held her hand as she slipped away — an unspeakable pain for any parent.
My sister - Kim Lan - Pencil sketch
Brother — Shu Cho Keong - Pencil sketch
Through everything, I held on to God's promise in Jeremiah 29:11 — that He still had a plan for my life, even when I couldn't see it.
In September 2021, I felt a sudden desire to draw a portrait of my late parents. I joined an art class, hoping that creativity might bring healing where words could not. As I drew, peace slowly returned to places in my heart that had been torn open.
My Father - Water Colour Pencil
Mother - Water Colour Pencil
One afternoon, while looking through old photo albums, memories of my childhood village came rushing back. I began to sketch the place where I grew up, reconnecting with the roots of my story. Then, only a month later, tragedy struck again.
In October 2021, our family home — the house my father had built with his own hands — burned to the ground. In ten minutes, everything became ashes. Not only our home, but fifty others in the village were destroyed. None were insured. It felt like life was rubbing salt into wounds that were already raw.
I remembered Mum spending whole days preparing our favourite meals, waiting with joy for her children to come home. Losing the house so soon after losing her and my brother was almost unbearable.
The family home Father built with his own hands. - Ink sketch
Yet in the midst of this devastation, something beautiful began to grow.
One day, I found an old set of charcoal sticks — a gift from my husband when we were first married. I had never learned charcoal drawing, but I prayed, "God, please teach me to draw," and began sketching my father's face.
Looking back now on my childhood, growing up in a large family, it was inevitable to sometimes feel overlooked. Only after becoming a mother myself did I understand my parents' sacrifices. When I drew him, I felt God's presence surrounding me, transforming me with love and with it came a peace, an unexpected miracle.
My father was a conscientious and compassionate person in both his work and with others. A dedicated worker, he made a positive impact on the community. He was actively involved in the Guangxi Association and served as welfare director of the Malaysian Chinese Association (MCA).
In 1968, in recognition of his service, he was selected to receive an award presented by the Yang di‑Pertuan Agong (King).
Father Receives Award - Pencil sketch
Brothers - Pencil sketch
Our trials refine us too. They shape our character, strengthen our faith, and reveal what cannot be destroyed.
Now, I can see the blessings hidden in the painful places:
My father did not have to witness the death of his firstborn son, or see his wife pass away, or watch the home he built be destroyed.
My mother did not have to see her beloved son die or the house she treasured burn down.
God knew the story from beginning to end. He has been writing every chapter — even the ones that shattered me. My role is simply to be willing, to allow Him to write through my life.
This life is not the final chapter.
As my siblings and I sat together on a screen, watching our mother take her last breath with a sense of helplessness, my sister asked my to "Pray." I prayed aloud, asking Mum if she could hear me—and in that moment, she blinked her eyes twice. My husband witnessed it too.
Scripture speaks about the significance of a person's final breath, like the thief on the cross whom Jesus welcomed into paradise. Years earlier, I had witnessed my father pray with a missionary to receive salvation. Only nine days after Mum's passing, my cousin had a dream: she saw both of my parents, beautifully dressed, whole, and restored—Mum's back straight again. In Chinese culture, the number nine symbolizes eternity, and that reminder wrapped my heart in peace.
My five-month-old grandson is a precious gift that represents a beautiful legacy spanning generations. My father raised me with the positive values of Chinese culture—respect, family, and diligence. When I became a Christian and married my amazing Christian husband, I discovered how these cultural strengths blended with my faith in Christ. Together, we raised our children with this rich foundation, honoring the best of my heritage while rooted in Christian love and biblical truth. Now, holding my grandson and watching his tiny expressions, I'm filled with gratitude for God's faithfulness across generations.
Grandson - Water colour pencil
In the months that followed, I continued to explore different forms of art as a way to rediscover joy. I also drew on memories of the times our family went to coffee shops called coffee dem.
One day, I was in the library and saw a book about creating art using coffee! It created a look of old photographs.
I got home and mixed some coffee and dipped my brush into the liquid. As the coffee touched the paper, soft sepia tones bloomed across the surface. The colour shifted with every layer — from delicate golden washes to rich, earthy browns.
What started as an experiment quickly became a new way of expressing memories, moments and people I wanted to honour.
Each piece carried the warmth of the drink itself, and you can even smell the coffee on the paper!
The images I created with coffee became symbols of resilience: art born from something simple yet meaningful, transformed by intention and hope.
What once was just a daily ritual became a tool through which I found peace, and a renewed sense of creativity.
Grand Father - Coffee water colour
Grand Mother - Coffee water colour
Gramdmother with grand daughter - Coffee water colour
Eldest Aunty - Coffee water colour
Palm Oil / Timber Lorry - Coffee water colour
Birds - Coffee water colour
I take such joy from painting people and scenes from my home town.
Youngest Aunty with siblings - Graphite pencil sketch
Man selling pork - Watercolour
Lady selling chicken - Watercolour
Grandmother and grandson - Watercolour
Karak Rainy Day - Watercolour
Karak At Night - Watercolour
Penny Shivas is an artist of memory, heart, and hope. Her drawings were born out of grief, prayer, and a quiet longing to hold close those she has loved and lost. Through tender hand-drawn portraits of her parents, grandparents, and family members who have passed, and through intimate scenes from her childhood hometown of Karak, Penny weaves love, loss, and remembrance into visual stories of grace. What began as a personal lament has become a sacred act of creation — a way of listening, healing, and bearing witness. Her art reflects a journey through fire and into light, where ashes are transformed into beauty, and sorrow becomes testimony. Guided by faith, Penny draws not only with her hands, but with a surrendered heart, trusting the Master Artist who holds her like a pencil in His hand.
Penny and her husband that encouraged her to draw.